Life’s a Traveling Circus
Life’s a Traveling Circus
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”(Matthew 5:4)
Six months ago I lost my beloved husband, the awesomest man I’ve ever known. September 1st would have been our 43rd wedding anniversary. My birthday a couple weeks ago was the first in 45 years that he was not there.
I’ve always believed that God gave him to me. A girlfriend brought him over to my house one night, and when he smiled at me from across the room, I kid you not, I heard God say to me “this is your husband”. The poor man never had a chance after that. But, as I wrote in my blog post on our anniversary two years ago, it’s not like we didn’t have trouble and numerous problems. I’m thankful we stuck them out, because I am truly blessed by having him in my life. I never realized it until now, but his was the strength and love that enabled me to make it through all the issues I’ve had to face. And now that he’s gone . . .
I don’t know how people survive the devastations of life without faith in God. Christ says, “Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29) Through these past months I have found that to be so true.
The other day a little voice in my head said to me, “you are better off”. I was horrified at even letting such a thought in, but as the day went by I thought about it more and more. Along with “and we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him,” (Romans 8:28). That’s a hard one to believe when something so terrible happens, when someone you love with all your heart gets sick, when there’s pain and suffering and you can’t do anything to make it better or easier. But as I’ve found through all the other bad things in my life, time passes, the immediacy of the catastrophe fades, and I’m able to see things in a light I would not have accepted before.
Yes, I am better off. And Mike is even better off than I am. This man, who worked so hard every day to take care of the people he loved, who was such a good friend to so many, who was funny and just wanted to see that everyone he came into contact with was happy, is now sleeping peacefully, resting at last from all his hard work. He’s no longer in pain every day, he no longer has to feel like he’s not needed or able to help anyone like he used to, he no longer has to struggle to stand up or to walk, to spend hours every day with doctors and nurses, and most of all, he no longer has to see the fear and the sadness in the eyes of we who loved him. He no longer has to spend his energy trying to be strong for us. Did God work for the good of Mike? Without a doubt.
And am I truly better off? Yes. Once I put away my selfishness in wanting him to stay just so I wouldn’t have to face life without him, I am. I don’t have to watch him waste away, knowing I can’t do anything. I don’t have to stumble around, trying to find words of comfort, and knowing there really aren’t any. I don’t have to continue making the mistake of trying to encourage him to get better, when I realize now all he wanted to do was let go. I would give everything I have to have him again, but I want the old Mike, the healthy, happy, strong man I love so much. Will I ever get what I want? Oh, yeah. Here is the comfort freely available to all who mourn:
“For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Wherefore, comfort one another with these words.” (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18)
